Out of my mind

This was Frisco and then at night at Oakley. The jacket caught on fire...
It has been a whirlwind with everything from school to personal life. Within these recent months, I've had a lot of time to myself and I realized a lot of things. Talking to people outside of my comfort zone is beneficial for me for the most part, because I get a new perspective on things and I like it very much =) So far for school, it's fine, just fine. It would've been better like junior year but it's not, but that's okay because I'm just fine with that. For this is my first blog, I will vent my best. This will be my life journal, hopefully I can write about a lot =) So far, my one year passed with him and though we've been on and off, I still count it. I guess I just can't give up because of the rough times we've been through together. I love him, but he makes me want to pull my hair sometimes. It's amazing how much he has changed and I just can't exxagerate my appreciation for that. I love him, and I know I do. I feel bad because sometimes when he's not making me happy, I just keep it in and hold it in until I get really mad and blow up on him. I hold alot of tension towards him but it's just that if he could just do things right it wouldn't be so hard. I'm going to Monterey Bay and I can't wait. It's something I've wanted to do for so long and he finally is willing to do it. Whooo! Money isn't everything, just your time is and love and your effort. <3 On the other hand, B. I can't seem to get him out of my head. I just miss him alot. I feels weird because I never wanted someone back in my life this bad before. If anything for christmas, I'd just love to spend a bit of time with b to talk things through. I miss him alot, I just want him to know I dont want him to turn himself away from me. It just feels like total rejection. I'm thinking the reason why I regret so much is because I couldn't do anything about it that night. I just had to have it my way and this ends up to happen. I understand why he feels the way he does but I also want him to understand how hurt I am also. I know he can understand because no guy can understand on a level like he does. Hawaii is coming up and I'm so excited. I leave on the 19th to the 25th, its just great. I love my brothers and wendy a lot. I'm so glad Ricky has made alot of effort to have me and Kevin in his life and making up for what's lost. Wendy is just amazing because she's what I'd ever want in a sister. So far, we've been fishing alot, well Ricky and them has, I just been going once in a while. The last trip was at SF and Oakley in one night, holy. It was so cold, but fun because I got to spend more time with ricky and open up to him. KEKEKEKE HAWAII, whoooo!!! This wraps up my entry today, toodaloos!